this is my 100% realistic-but-still-really-fake cigarette.
it’s electronic. for those of you who know, i quit 4 weeks ago. i was on the patches.
this is better. it’s smoking. there’s actual smoke (in the form of water vapor), there’s nicotine (that comes in regular, menthol and a myriad of other flavors… you know, for the kids…) and it has a charger.
it’s amazing how many different sounds car alarms can make. i can’t believe that so many people are having their cars stolen. yes, i live in south providence, but i think that the major reason car alarms go off so much around here is because someone’s pet sat on the keys or someone’s kid thinks its a toy. there needs to be a solution to get people to stop ignoring their own car alarms. here are some ideas for new ones.
1. air horn. yes, it exists to annoy sports fans, but i think that the continuous sound of air horn car alarm will turn even the most general malaise-driven asshole to get off the couch and turn off the alarm.
2. the sound of a woman shrieking “RAPE!!!”. self explanatory.
3. a car alarm that makes your car actually start to drive away on its own. if my downstairs neighbor knew that would happen when his alarm went off, he wouldn’t wait 5 minutes EVERY SINGLE TIME IT WENT OFF to silence it. (that’s what all this is really about, by the way.)
4. someone already had the brilliant idea that your car calls you when your alarm goes off and doesn’t stop until you pick it up. all cars and their people should have this.
some guy just rang our doorbells asking for an envelope he left in one of the first floor window sills.
he meant to leave it in the house next door’s window.
providence, looking for some extra cash? look in some window sills.
the condo association management staff are here to do some landscaping, i.e. - mowing the lawns.
with weed whackers. now, i noticed that armory properties also had a thing for weed whacking the grass. cheaper? yes. faster? maybe. but there are a lot of negatives to weed whacking entire expanses of grass. weed whacking is good for edges. why? because lawnmowers typically can’t get the edges.
i argue that is isn’t faster to weed whack entire lawns because you have to stand there and sweep back and forth until you have it perfect. then it turns into a trichotillomania sort of obsession where you just keep going and going until you have successfully gouged out all the grass right down to the sod.
so there they stand out there, and they have been sweeping over the same patch of grass for the past 5 minutes. there’s a guy following the first dude with the whacker, he’s got a blower and then behind HIM there’s ANOTHER GUY and he has ANOTHER weed whacker.
efficiency?
me and mine went to sakonett vineyards a couple of weekends ago in an effort to avoid packing. while there, we embarked on a wine tasting session. then we put on our straw hats and birkenstocks and proceeded to sit down in some comfy white adirondack chairs. scratch the adirondack chairs, but you get what i am saying.
those of you who know me, know my affinity for red wine. port, pinot noir, shiraz…
well, all of the trappings that come with red wine have been on my nerves for a while. drinking it in the summer is the equivalent of drinking pre-heated lemonade, my teeth turning purple (so forget public laughing) and the stains that occur after i’ve had two glasses and balancing isn’t my best feature.
point being, i needed to find a white wine. again, those who know me know that as soon as someone breaks out a bottle of pinot grigio, i make hissing noises. but i decided that i would leap down off my burgundy colored soap box and create an entire tasting list dedicated to white wine. more specifically, finding a white wine that wouldn’t make my temples burst and turn me into a cougar.
it all started with the vidal blanc 2007. a cavalcade of white followed it, but none would compare. everything else was too acidic, too dry or just too… too.
the vidal blanc has an incredibly balanced fruity, cool flavor that your tongue just soaks up like a sponge. it makes the inside of your cheeks feel like an icebox and doesn’t burn at any point. at all.
well, needless to say, i went through 2 bottles of it in 2 days. i ventured out to Haxtons in Warwick to get a couple more, convinced that the honeymoon would end at any second. 2 more bottles, success. consistency. zounds.
yesterday, i went back to grab a couple more and EGAD, they were out. apparently i am not the only believer. in a slight fury, i decided to grab the Newport vidal blanc. i imagined that i would be disappointed in my findings. it always happens, the one time i decide to break from the routine - it always bites me.
but not this time. Newport vidal blanc tastes almost the exact same. the only difference being that it has a slight… bubblieness? but the thing is… it’s not bubbly. i can’t explain it. the flavors are there, the icebox thing is in check. spongy tongue? yes. granted, the Newport vineyard is a hop away from little compton and YES they are both vidal blancs, so there are bound to be some similarities… but i wouldn’t think the nails would be so close together.
in closing, if you are a red wine person i highly suggest going out and giving a vidal blanc a shot. it’s the red wine drinker’s white. and remember, drink local.
news flash: angelina jolie still wears mostly black.
what would i do without yahoo news? i can have a day now.
